You guys.
Seriously.
Seriously, you guys.
I am so excited. Next week, I get to go to my first book expo.
“What’s a book expo?” you ask? (If you didn’t ask, you should, because that would make a delightful segue into the answer I’ve already prepared.)
Great question! And I’m not exactly sure of the answer!
But here’s what I know. Book Expo America is an annual event where tens of thousands of authors, publishers, bloggers, booksellers, librarians, agents, and other people who care about books all gather to discuss what’s hot and what’s coming next. Apparently it’s a pretty big deal.
If you follow my blog, you know that my first book, Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate, is out later this year, and my publisher, Jericho Books, is flying me to New York City (read “New York City!” like in those old Pace commercials) to spend a day attending the expo and signing copies of my book!
Wait… I’m signing copies? But it’s not out until November!
Ah, but here’s what I’ve learned, young Jedi. You know how, the first day a book comes out, there are already reviews of it online and in the paper, and quotes on the jacket from authors and other famous people saying how great it is? That’s because publishers put out ARCs, which, according to the interwebs, stands for Advance Reading Copy or Advance Reader Copy or Advance Review Copy or Advance RwhatheheckdoestheRstandfor Copy or something like that. Anyway, these ARCs are pre-release copies of the book, often what are called “bound galleys,” which haven’t been through the final proofreading stage yet. They may still have some typos and the text may differ slightly from the final book, but they’re close enough to finalized for reviewers, and they’re typically given away, not to be resold.
And that, dear friends, is what I will be signing.
On Wednesday, June 6, at 2:00, to be precise.
Also, did I mention there will be cupcakes and beer?
Yes. Cupcakes. And beer. That classic American combination of foods that no one has ever combined before to my knowledge.
The great irony is that I don’t drink beer (though there is a cool illustration about beer in the book). I do, however, eat cupcakes, so my apologies if there are none because I’VE EATEN THEM ALL.
So the plan, at least, is that tons and tons of people will come to the Jericho Books table to see me sign books with other cool authors, consume cupcakes and beer, and find out about this awesome new book about how we can end this “Gays vs. Christians” mindset and realistically get to a cease-fire in the culture war. Because let’s face it, we’re all sick of the fighting, but the folks on each side don’t quite know how to dialogue with the other side. And this is the work I’ve been doing for the last ten years, with a lot of success, actually.
So as you can see, I’m super excited about this book, and about this book expo. This will be the first time I’ve ever seen a bound copy of a book that I wrote, and it’s a book that I really believe could change a ton of hearts and minds.
Also, cupcakes, you guys! Cupcakes!
[video]
It’s no secret that the media thrives on controversy. When someone says something outrageous, it gets a lot of attention. When someone says something thoughtful and reasonable, we tend to gloss over it.
So when polarizing debates happen in our culture, it’s often the guys with the megaphones who get all the press. We let them define the debate, and then the rest of us find ourselves quietly saying, “But they don’t speak for me.”
I am a Christian. I’m an evangelical. I grew up Southern Baptist, and I am a lifelong North Carolinian.
But when two different North Carolina pastors made headlines this month for saying horrible things about gay people (one of them suggesting physically abusing effeminate boys and one of them suggesting putting gay people in camps with electrified fences), I find myself wanting to scream, “They don’t speak for me!”
They don’t speak for all Christians. Or all evangelicals. Or all Baptists. Or all North Carolinians.
And while I’m not Side B (the term for people who oppose same-sex marriage), I know that they don’t speak for all Side B people either. I have plenty of Side B friends who were horrified at those words.
Also, I’m gay. And guess what? Those gay folks who go on TV or the internet to use these videos as excuses to bash Christianity and make all Christians sound like bigots? They don’t speak for me either.
I’m gay, but I don’t agree with or approve of everything that every other gay person says or does.
I’m a Christian, but I don’t agree with or approve of everything that every other Christian says or does. (Frankly, I’m not convinced that some of them understand what it means to be a Christian at all, though that’s not for me to judge.)
And if you agree with me, and these people don’t speak for you, then join me in speaking up. Write blog posts. Post on Facebook. Talk about this with your family. Call your local media.
Not only that, but donate to the organizations who are speaking up for you. If you don’t know of any, find them. Or create them. If we don’t put our money, our actions, and our words behind what we believe, then we have no right to complain when the extremists claim to speak for us.
Here’s what I believe.
I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe he died for our sins. And I believe he showed grace and love like none we’ve ever experienced.
I believe that he loved every person he encountered in his life, including—maybe most especially—the outcasts and the sinners. I believe he opposed violence and prejudice, that he spent time with the people that “people like him” weren’t supposed to spend time with, and that he returned people’s insults and hatred with love and compassion.
I also believe he changed the world.
And I want to follow in his footsteps.
[video]
effervescentreflections asked: Hi Justin, thank you for being open to debate in the face of controversy. I'm Side B, but I vehemently disagree with the way many churches handle those on Side A. I've pre-ordered Torn, and I hope to be another voice of reason in the debate. In addition, I have a question for you. What is your response to Jesus in Mark 10:1-12? When I've brought it up to those on Side A, I usually get insulted and told I'm a bigot.
You don’t sound like a bigot to me! That’s a perfectly reasonable question, and it sounds to me like you’re approaching it in a perfectly reasonable manner. Thanks for asking!
In Mark 10, the Pharisees try to trap Jesus by asking him about a controversial topic of their day: divorce. They’re hoping to get him mired in a debate that will turn at least some of the crowd against him, no matter which way he answers. As on other occasions (such as when they ask him about paying taxes), Jesus skilfully sidesteps their trap without sidestepping the question itself.
Jesus agrees with them that Moses permitted divorce, but then he points out that divorce was never God’s design for marriage. He quotes from Genesis, which says that “the two will become one flesh,” adding that if God has joined two to become one, then no person should separate that bond.
Seems pretty straightforward. But this passage has proved challenging for modern Christians when addressing both divorce and same-sex couples.
Let’s look at divorce first. What Jesus says about divorce here seems to be very clear: Not only does he say that it’s not God’s design, but later, he tells the disciples that if a man divorces his wife to marry another woman, he’s committing adultery, and likewise if she divorces him. That’s a strong statement!
But wait… should there be exceptions? Was Jesus intending only to address the practice of divorcing someone because you got tired of them, or did he mean his words to apply to every situation without exception?
Well, the Bible itself gives us some exceptions. In the parallel passage in Matthew 19, Jesus adds sexual unfaithfulness as an exception, and some interpret Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7 as granting an exception when a non-Christian spouse wants a divorce.
But what about a situation like physical or emotional abuse? Should a battered wife be required to stay married to the husband who abuses her? The Bible doesn’t mention this, but many Christians would grant an exception in cases like this. Not all would, however; some would argue that while she has no obligation to remain with him and be beaten, it would be wrong for her to divorce him and remarry. They base that interpretation on this passage, but is that what Jesus intended? Christians have differing opinions.
Others have differed on what Jesus meant about adultery. He said that someone who divorces and remarries is committing adultery, which would seem to suggest that if you got a divorce many years ago and have long since remarried, your current marriage is only an adulterous relationship and you are still (in God’s eyes) married to your former spouse! In the past, some churches, based on that belief, required people to reunite with their former spouse in order to be accepted as members of the church. Today, most churches would argue that that’s an inappropriately legalistic approach to Jesus’ words, and that Jesus’ point was that marriage was meant to last, and that you shouldn’t toss one spouse aside in favor of someone else just because you “fell out of love” with them or found someone hotter.
In many ways, the disagreements on same-sex couples mirror the ones we see about divorce. Those on Side B (opposing same-sex sexual behavior) sometimes point out that in the passage, Jesus appeals to the order of creation with God creating “male and female,” and quotes the Genesis passage about a man leaving his parents to unite with his wife. From a Side B perspective, that strongly suggests that Jesus, too, believed that marriage should be between a man and a woman.
Side A Christians argue that that’s an overly legalistic interpretation of Jesus’ words. Jesus wasn’t responding to a question about gay marriage or homosexuality at all, they point out; he was talking about divorce. And yes, because the vast majority of men are attracted to women (and vice versa), it is true that men and women usually unite in this way. But, Side A proponents say, just as with divorce, there are exceptions to the rule that must be considered. Some people are only attracted to the same sex, and for them to marry a member of the opposite sex would only result in deep unhappiness for both partners. Surely Jesus’ point about the permanence of marriage could apply to them too, even if the person they fall in love with is of the same sex?
As further evidence for their point, some Side A Christians point to what Jesus says in Matthew 19 after explaining his views on marriage:
Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.
“Not everyone can accept this word” certainly seems like Jesus was acknowledging exceptions. But what sort of exceptions? Some scholars have argued that the word “eunuch” in Jesus’ day actually referred to any male who wasn’t attracted to women, not only those who had been castrated. Is it possible Jesus was referring to gay people? Many scholars are skeptical, and personally, I’m not convinced.
Regardless, what sort of exception was Jesus offering? Side B Christians may point out that eunuchs typically were unmarried—so perhaps Jesus was suggesting that gay people should remain celibate. Or perhaps he wasn’t talking about gay people at all; he was just pointing out that not everyone is called to marriage.
So as with divorce, this passage has been argued about by different groups and understood in different ways. My personal view is that we have to stretch a bit to make this passage say much (pro or con) about same-sex couples; it wasn’t Jesus’ point, and if we still have questions about the main issue he was addressing (divorce), we’re in danger of misinterpreting him if we try to stretch the passage to cover an issue he wasn’t addressing. But I understand and respect my Christian friends on both sides who disagree with me, and I hope we will continue to seek God’s will on passages like this together, through prayer, community, and trusting the Holy Spirit for guidance.
Christian Post: How should the church love a gay couple? -
Some quotes from me and others in this, part of a series from a conservative Christian publication. Lots of food for thought!
[video]
michy-elle asked: Hi Justin. I've been going through some of your posts and I love them. I am a Christian and I believe with my whole heart that there is nothing wrong with being LGBT. Unfortunately nobody in my church seems to share that view. I am straight, and was brought to church originally by my friend who eventually came out about being gay. I'm wondering if you could tell me how you interpret the scriptures that say homosexual relations are a sin so that I have some biblical truths to back up my opinon.
Thanks for the question!
First, I should point out that the organization I run (The Gay Christian Network) is an organization of Christians on both sides of the issue. Some (“Side A”) believe God blesses monogamous same-sex relationships, and others (“Side B”) believes the Bible strongly condemns such relationships. What both sides agree on is that gay people don’t choose their attractions, and that the church needs to do a better job of being loving to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) people.
My organization works with people on both sides of the issue. But if you’re interested in my personal views, here’s a blog post I wrote a month ago about how I understand the Bible on this issue. Warning: there’s a lot there to digest!
I’d add one more thing in answer to your question, though. Most Christians already have pretty strong feelings about this subject, and in my experience, Bible arguments (whether they’re great arguments or terrible ones, and I’ve heard both) don’t usually change people’s minds on this subject. As a Christian, I believe my view should come from Scripture, but I also know that Bible debates aren’t likely to change other people’s minds. So I encourage you to work within your church to build relationships with those who disagree with you, and at the appropriate time, share your story about your friend and why this matters to you. Even from a Side B perspective, there are a lot of things your church members could do to show the love of Christ, and they may not have thought of many of them yet!
Two days ago, I posted a little piece on Amendment One, the North Carolina amendment reinforcing the existing ban on same-sex marriage. It was a little something I posted mostly to encourage my gay and gay-supportive friends to try to understand those who don’t agree with them, instead of just labeling them all “bigots” and moving on.
Then that post went viral, and I got more comments than all the other posts on this blog put together. Wow!
Yesterday, I decided to change the subject with a more lighthearted post about being vulnerable. That had some fun comments, but it’s the gay marriage post people are still flocking to in droves.
So today, I’d like to revisit the gay marriage question from a different perspective.
Last time, I encouraged my friends in favor of gay marriage to try to understand those who disagree with them. I’m going to revisit that topic in more depth in a future post. Today, I’d like to encourage my friends opposed to gay marriage to try to understand the other side as well.
The following video has been making its way around the internet in recent days, and for good reason. It’s incredibly powerful. If you support gay marriage, I’m sure you’ll agree with the video’s message, but this post isn’t really for you. It’s for my readers who oppose gay marriage.
I know that many of my readers are wonderful Christian folks who have a moral opposition to same-sex marriage. You believe that the Bible is clear on the subject, and as Christians, you want to treat gay people with love but not condone or encourage their sin. I completely understand, and I’m not asking you to change your mind on that.
As Christians, though, I believe that when we want to show love to others, it’s important for us to try to understand the people we want to show love to. If your view on this is different from mine, then it helps me to treat you with love if I can understand why you believe what you do and why it’s important to you. It doesn’t mean I’ll change my mind; it just means that I can put myself in your shoes and use that information to help me treat you with respect.
So if you oppose civil marriage for same-sex couples but genuinely want to understand the perspective of a gay person who supports it, I invite you to take ten minutes out of your day to listen to a young man named Shane Bitney Crone explain why this is so important to him. (Seriously, it’s ten minutes; I would hope that all of us as Christians could take ten minutes out of our days to understand our fellow human beings.)
Some who haven’t gotten to know me or haven’t carefully read what I’m saying here will misunderstand, thinking that I posted this to try to change people’s minds on gay marriage. That’s not it at all. Others will be angry with me because they think I should be taking this opportunity to argue for same-sex marriage. But I’m hoping that the majority of you will understand my real point—this is the most divisive social issue of our time, and if we as Christians are going to live out Christ’s love for those on both sides of the issue, it’s vital that we take the time to get to know them and see where they’re coming from.
Shane’s video doesn’t change anything about what the Bible says or how you interpret it; it doesn’t answer any theological or moral questions about gay sex. What it does do is help us understand where someone like him is coming from, and what’s important to him. And that is something that all of us, on both sides, should do more often for one another. It’s about toning down the rhetoric, which as Rachel Held Evans beautifully pointed out this week, is probably the single most important thing the church must do to avoid losing an entire generation.
Wow, you guys. Yesterday’s post about Amendment One really struck a chord with some of you and a nerve with others; I’m completely overwhelmed by how many of you have been sharing it on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. (Probably other social networks I don’t even know about, too!)
So since a lot of new folks just started reading the blog yesterday, I thought it might be time to write something a bit more personal. Vulnerability is good for the soul, I think, and in a highly charged political climate like this one, sometimes it’s a good idea to just drop our defenses and be totally honest.
First, if you haven’t already done so, check out this interview with me on Rachel Held Evans’ blog. It will give you the important background you need to know about me and the purpose of my blog, and it will answer all those burning questions you have.
Seriously, it will.
I mean it. Go read it, then come back. You’ll be glad you did.
I’ll wait.
Okay, all on the same page now? Good.
So today, in the name of vulnerability, I’ve decided to just open up to the world about things I often think about but don’t normally talk about. So without further ado, here are 30 honest confessions.
1. I don’t really know how to be a blogger. I’m afraid of running out of things to say. I look up to the prolific bloggers out there and wonder how they do it.
2. Because I deal with controversial issues, I frequently get heavy criticism from people on both sides. I tell everyone that I’m used to it and that I don’t let it get to me. That’s a lie. The truth is, I take every criticism to heart, and I don’t know how not to.
3. I want everyone to like me. When I find out that someone is unhappy with me or a decision I’ve made, I want to do everything in my power to hear them out and work it out. If they won’t talk about it, it literally keeps me up at night.
4. I tell the same jokes and stories a lot. I can get away with it because I travel a lot.
5. When driving, I secretly chide people for speeding. Then when I see a police car, I check my speed and slow down. I’m a hypocrite.
6. I often skip breakfast.
7. I hate being the “gay Christian” guy. It’s exhausting. I’d rather just be known for my faith and the things that make me unique as a person.
8. I have no hair due to a genetic auto-immune disorder called alopecia areata. I say I’m not self-conscious about it at all, and that’s true, but I miss having eyebrows.
9. My real signature doesn’t look like my name at all. I’ve spent actual time (a lot of actual time) wondering whether I should sign with my real signature or a more legible version when I start signing copies of my book.
10. Speaking of which, I’ve written my first book, and I’m embarrassed by how exciting that is for me. I try not to bring it up in conversation too much, because I think people will think I’m self-absorbed if I do. But to me, it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done and I think about it alllll the time. Seriously. If you talk to me anytime between now and November, I’m probably thinking about this book. I feel kind of pathetic for that, but I can’t help it.
11. I talk too much.
12. One of my favorite Christian bands, Sixpence None the Richer, once had a song with the line, “By the way, when I kneel to pray, it never seems You’re there. And I’ll admit that I do not try, when it’s easier to sit down and cry. I’m so full of doubt; wanna let it out, let it out over You.” I totally get that.
13. I don’t like conflict. When people start fighting online, it upsets me a great deal.
14. I really, really enjoy hearing and discussing points of view that are different from mine. If someone disagrees with me and is willing to have a thoughtful, gracious discussion about our differences, I’m on cloud nine. If they’re unkind, though, I find it stressful, and it bothers me more than it should when people can’t tell the difference between the two.
15. I can’t cook. In my apartment, a home-cooked meal comes out of the microwave.
16. I want to be a good role model, but I don’t want to represent all gay Christians, or all gay people, or all Christians. I think about all my flaws, and I’m always afraid that people will see those flaws and use them to discount entire groups of people because of my own personal sinfulness.
17. I get really embarrassed when white Americans try to talk about race and get all awkward because they are too afraid of saying the wrong thing.
18. I feel awkward sometimes when I talk about race. I try really hard not to let it show, because I don’t want to be one of those people.
19. Back in the 90s, when N*Sync was popular, my younger sister listened to them, and I looked down my nose at them. This week, I downloaded one of their old songs on iTunes and listened to it repeatedly. I’m too embarrassed to tell you which song it was.
20. I’m terrible at returning email. I put it off until it gets buried, and then feel awful about it.
21. I’m really insecure. I work very hard not to let it show.
22. I’ve never actually seen Titanic all the way through.
23. As a kid, I was so determined to preach against homosexuality that I said a lot of things without realizing how hurtful they must have been to any gay people who heard me. Now, when people say hurtful things like that to me, I secretly feel like I deserve it.
24. I’m a perfectionist. I think I drive my coworkers crazy.
25. I’m paranoid about running red lights, so sometimes I stop too early on a yellow and then feel bad for the person behind me.
26. As a Christian, I believe that my sins are 100% paid for by Jesus and that once I ask forgiveness for them, I don’t need to wallow in guilt anymore. Somehow, that doesn’t stop a few particularly bad mistakes I’ve made from popping back into my head over and over again, making me feel guilty each time.
27. I don’t like that I sometimes lose my temper.
28. I am really, really interested in people, but I meet so many of them in my line of work that I sometimes forget whether I’ve met someone or not. I live in fear of not remembering people.
29. Sometimes I get tired of being around Christians, even though I am a Christian and my faith is the most important thing in my life.
30. I sing in the car, and pretend not to be embarrassed when someone I know sees me doing it.
And just for good measure…
31. I just read back over this list and can’t decide if it makes me sound neurotic or not. I hope not. I really don’t want people to think I’m neurotic. Please don’t think I’m neurotic. Oh no, this isn’t helping. I should shut up now. Okay, shutting up. (Not neurotic!)
Those are a few of my confessions. What are yours?